COSMO'S LAME GUY EXCUSES YOU SHOULD NEVER FALL FOR
May 13, 2014
"I swear that wasn't a fart. It's just the way this damn leather chair sounds whenever I sit down."
"I was looking at her because I was thinking how much prettier you are."
"It was terrible. The aliens, they... they said they wanted to observe human males at leisure and made me stay out until four a.m. drinking with the guys."
"I'd love to help out, but I can't... I once killed a man in a laundry accident."
"But don't you see? My underpants and sweaty socks are protecting the floor from scratches."
"About tonight... I was going to take you someplace nice, but I thought you'd dig the low-key vibe of Dunkin' Donuts."
"I know this sounds crazy, but I'm allergic to your third cousin. I guess I have to skip her co-ed wedding shower."
"Oh, but that was just my ex calling to say how glad she is that I've found someone who makes me so happy."