Alex's Antics

 

COSMO'S LAME GUY EXCUSES YOU SHOULD NEVER FALL FOR

  • "I swear that wasn't a fart. It's just the way this damn leather chair sounds whenever I sit down."
  • "I was looking at her because I was thinking how much prettier you are."
  • "It was terrible. The aliens, they... they said they wanted to observe human males at leisure and made me stay out until four a.m. drinking with the guys."
  • "I'd love to help out, but I can't... I once killed a man in a laundry accident."
  • "But don't you see? My underpants and sweaty socks are protecting the floor from scratches."
  • "About tonight... I was going to take you someplace nice, but I thought you'd dig the low-key vibe of Dunkin' Donuts."
  • "I know this sounds crazy, but I'm allergic to your third cousin. I guess I have to skip her co-ed wedding shower."
  • "Oh, but that was just my ex calling to say how glad she is that I've found someone who makes me so happy."

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