THINGS EVERY WOMAN WANTS BUT DOESN'T WANT TO ADMIT SHE WANTS

(from Glamour magazine)

  • A boss who totally gets that hair can be an emergency
  • All the nitty-gritty details of her girlfriends'sex lives
  • The epic downfall of every Miss Popularity she's ever known
  • Shoes that look like Manolos fell like Nikes and cost like Payless
  • A big ol'honking diamond ring
  • So much money that she can give away half, then lavish the other half on herself guilt free
  • A lover who just knows, no instructions required
  • Fries with that
  • To be more like her mom
  • Thin thighs in 30 days: no 30 seconds
  • Power. All the power
  • A little girl, just so she can dress her in patent leather Mary Janes and take her to the ballet
  • Breasts that get smaller when wearing clothes and bigger when you are not