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Bozo Criminal Stories from 11/23-11/27:
Bozo story for Monday:
HEY ROBBER, SPEAK UP- Authorities in Deltona, Florida, said they arrested a man whose whispered demands for money went unanswered at a discount store. Sheriff's deputies said Carlie McDuffie walked into a Family Dollar store and told an employee to hand over money from the register in a quiet voice that the clerk either didn't hear or didn't understand. The clerk asked McDuffie what he needed and the suspect repeated the demand in the same whispered tone. The clerk again asked what he needed, and McDuffie said "forget it" and left the store. The clerk soon realized what had happened and called 911. McDuffie was arrested less than 30 minutes later.
Bozo story for Tuesday:
Boy I Am Really, Really Bored! How Could I Spice Up My Night?- In Redding, California, two men were arrested -- one accused of trying to break into Northern California Recycling -- and another who simply tried to look like the guy who did! 23-year-old Matthew Padel led police on an hour-long chase which ended with his capture in a residential neighborhood. But while this was going on, 41-year-old Russell Spade was listening in on his police scanner and heard that officers were looking for a man wearing khaki pants and a San Francisco 49ers sweatshirt. So Mr. Spade wondered if the police would notice him if he went outside wearing the same outfit as the suspect. Well guess what -- they did! And they arrested him. They later realized Spade did not fit the description of suspect except for the clothes he was wearing but charged him anyway with suspicion of obstructing and delaying a police officer.
(Wed-Fri Thanksgiving break)
Bozo Criminal Stories from 11/16-11/20:
Bozo story for Monday 11/16:
WOMAN CALLS 911 OVER STOLEN POT- A woman in Michigan called police to report a theft from her home. The 54-year-old woman called 911 early Sunday and said two men had broken into her home, threatened her with a baseball bat and fled with her belongings. Specifically, several marijuana plants. She was arrested.
Bozo story for Tuesday 11/17:
PENCIL THIEF WAS LOADED- Police have arrested a man after he allegedly stole merchandise from a Bellingham, Washington, store even though he was carrying $600 in cash. Officers questioned the man about why he stole when he had enough money on him. Police said the suspect just responded: "I don't know, being stupid I guess." The item the man stole: a $5.99 mechanical pencil.
Bozo story for Wednesday 11/18:
BURGLAR FOUND WEARING BOXERS- A homeowner in Golden, Colorado, said he came home the other night after work and found Timothy P. Gonzales in his home wearing only the homeowner's boxer shorts. The homeowner fetched his pistol from a bedroom and called out. Gonzales answered and the homeowner confronted him and ordered him to leave the house. Gonzales allegedly argued that the pistol was not real and "moved aggressively" toward the homeowner, who fired a warning shot. When police arrived the homeowner was still holding Gonzales at gunpoint. Police think Gonzales had been in the home most of the day. He showered, did laundry and put food he bought in the refrigerator.
Bozo story for Thursday 11/19:
FOUR ROBBERY ATTEMPTS, $2 TAKEN- Chicago police say a 37-year-old man was arrested Tuesday night after four people reported a man in a bright orange coat had attempted to rob them. The robberies gained the man a total $2, which was recovered at the time of his arrest. All of the victims positively identified the suspect and none of them reported seeing a weapon during the incidents.
Bozo story for Friday 11/20:
Surely There's A Better Place For a Large Scale Indoor Pot Farm!- You'd think folks with the know how to develop and operate a large-scale indoor marijuana growing farm would have the sense to locate it more than 25 feet from the back door of a police station in Los Angeles. But nope. Officer Karen Rayner said the pot was discovered when a search warrant was served at an address adjacent to the station in Canoga Park. The indoor marijuana farm included lights, automated irrigation and a ventilation system. Investigators said it had been there for at least eight months. The investigation got underway when officers actually smelled marijuana in the police station parking lot. Three very stupid people were arrested.
Bozo Criminal Stories from 11/02-11/06:
Bozo story for Monday 11/02:
TEEN BUSTED FOR TRYING TO PASS FAKE $1 BILL- In the long history of for-profit scams, an alleged plot in Saugerties, New York, ranks among the least ambitious. State police arrested a 17-year-old on Friday after someone tried to pass a fake $1 bill to buy some smokes. Total cost of the purchase: $3.05. The teen was held pending arraignment on a charge of first-degree forgery, a felony.
Bozo story for Tuesday 11/03:
MAN IN BREATHALYZER COSTUME DRESSED FOR DUI- Police in Oxford, Ohio, said 18-year-old James Miller was pulled over in the early hours of Sunday for driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Officers determined the man, who was dressed in a Breathalyzer costume, appeared to have been drinking.
Bozo story for Wednesday 11/04:
Really Stupid Criminals!- You know you're not really cut out for a life of crime when you can't tell the difference between the real TVs and the cardboard cutouts. A few would-be-robbers in Australia broke the front window of a department store early in the morning after seeing a big-screen plasma inside. Turns out the thieves got punked and soon found out it was just a cardboard display model. They took out their frustration by messing up a bed also in the display window but left empty-handed.
Bozo story for Thursday 11/05:
Don't Blame Me! It's That Damn Jack Daniels Sauce!- In Sheboygan, Wisconsin, 23-year-old Ian A. Baker is facing his fourth drunken driving charge after failing a Breathalyzer test-but he says this time it's not his fault! His defense is that the failed test is not the result of him drinking alcohol, but rather eating a steak with Jack Daniels sauce. He swears he didn't consume any alcohol, just a Jack Daniels steak! His .07 blood-alcohol level makes police think otherwise. And sadly for Ian, the Jack Daniels web site clearly states that their trademark Jack Daniels barbecue and steak sauces, which are made by Heinz, contain NO alcohol whatsoever.
Bozo story for Friday 1/06:
A FAILED DRIVE-BY SHOOTING- Andrew J. Burwitz of Appleton, Wisconsin, allegedly tried to do a drive-by shooting at the home of his ex-girlfriend's family and another random house. Police found him because he failed to roll down his car window and shattered it when he made the first shot. According to court documents, the occupants of the house were awakened about 2am Monday to the sounds of breaking glass. They found bullets stuck in the exterior of the house. Sheriff's deputies examining the area found broken auto glass in the street, and, later that day, contacted area auto glass repair shops and found Burwitz had his car window replaced after filing an insurance claim.
Bozo Criminal Stories from 10/12/10-16:
Bozo story for Monday 10/12:
 DRUG RUNNERS CAUGHT SLEEPING ON THE JOB- In Texas (near Brownsville) customs agents have charged some men with conspiracy and possession with intent to distribute marijuana after they found the men sleeping on top of large bundles of marijuana. According to authorities, agents spotted six sets of footprints in the desert at about 1am on September 27. They eventually traced said footprints to "six men sleeping on top of six bundles of marijuana" near an intersection.
Bozo story for Tuesday 10/13:
Drunk Takes Ambulance Home!- In Lawrence, Kansas, a 21-year-old man was so drunk he needed an ambulance to get home. Unfortunately, in this case, he stole said ambulance and drove it home himself! Worse -- the ambulance was parked outside a business where its crew was responding to a real medical emergency. Our drunk friend led police on what was described as a brief, low-speed chase. He was arrested on charges of theft of the ambulance as well as driving under the influence
Bozo story for Wednesday 10/14:
ONE WOMAN, ONE DAY, TWO DUIs- A 33-year-old Utica, New York, woman has been charged with driving while intoxicated twice in less than five hours. Police stopped Talitha Gorea just after 7pm Monday for vehicle and traffic violations and found her with an open container of alcohol and an ecstasy pill. Gorea was charged with drug possession and DWI for having a blood alcohol content level above the legal limit. She was released to a family member and given an appearance ticket. Four hours later, Utica police reported seeing Gorea speeding in the wrong direction on a one-way street and she was arrested. Police said her blood alcohol level again registered above the legal limit.
Bozo story for Thursday 10/15:
(Alex Gone)
Bozo story for Friday 10/16:
THE NAME ON MY TATTOO IS WRONG- Police in Canada (Regina) had a warrant for the arrest of David McKay and went to a house looking for him. The man who answered the door matched McKay's description, but the man insisted he wasn't McKay, but admitted knowing him. The man said his name is Matthew -- but was unable to spell that name. When an officer pointed out that the man had the name "David McKay" tattooed across his back, the man still insisted he wasn't McKay. Officers arrested him anyway.
Bozo Criminal Stories from 10/5/10-11:
Bozo story for Monday:
BANK ROBBER HAD LOUSY HANDWRITING- In Hillsboro, Oregon, a 30-year-old woman tried to rob a bank last week by handing a teller a threatening note. The note read: "Need $300 or I'll kill you. I'm serious." But the teller didn't comply, hit the silent alarm, and then a bank manager came around to offer some assistance. That's when the woman claimed she was really just trying to open an account. Police showed up and arrested the woman. Oh, and the reason the teller didn't hand over the cash? She couldn't read the holdup note.
Bozo story for Tuesday:
Show Me The Money -- No You Show Me The Gun!- One thing we'll say about the clerk at the White Hen Pantry convenient store in Haverhill, Massachusetts -- he's got some cajones! Police say 22-year-old Adam Alsarabi entered the store and demanded all the money from the cash register. He also told the clerk he had a gun. The clerk basically replied, "Really, let me see it." Well, Adam didn't really have a gun and now that his bluff was called, he ran from the store into the woods. That's where the police found him and arrested him. - Alex says: And that's what we call writing a check with your mouth that your butt can't cover!
Bozo story for Wednesday:
Not Ready For Prime Time Crime- In Waterville, Maine, two adults and three teenagers were recently arrested and charged with arson. Police had pretty much all the evidence they needed after getting their hands on a video the five had made together that not only described their crime, in great detail, but also included theme music and cast-and-crew credits at the end
Bozo story for Thursday:
BOMB THREAT LEFT ON ANSWERING MACHINE- A bomb threat called in to an answering machine at the Bundaberg State High School in Queensland, Australia, resulted in the evacuation of 75 classrooms full of students. But it was fairly easy for authorities to trace the call: the caller asked school officials to phone him back to confirm they got the message -- and left his number. Aaron James Jackson, a former student at the school, left his real number, but denied making the threat until police played the tape with his voice on it.
Bozo story for Friday:
Try Not To Play Grab the Rear end of the Police Officer Who Is Arresting You!- In Sweden, After an interrogation, a 48-year-old man was being escorted back to his cell by two female officers, and while the three were waiting for the cell door to open, our friend suddenly reach out and grabbed a hold of one of the officer's buttocks. The police officer testified, "He grabbed me with a rather large hand and managed to grab the whole cheek." But the suspect told a shocked court that he was completely justified in his actions because the officer in question had been giving him long stares and he felt he had sort of gone a date with her during their police car ride to the station and during the interrogation.
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